Me, naked pt. 1

I've mentioned before that one major factor in changing my outlook on life was the EELS. I mark the fateful day when I bought Souljacker for $6.00 at the bookstore as a major milestone in my life. The album on its own isn't their best, nor is it particularly enlightening, (though it's still quite good). But it opened a door for me that shifted my balance. I was well on my way to a bachelor's in philosophy and struggling with my personal crisis of faith. (Don't worry. I'm not going to get all Jesusy on you.)

I was brought up a strict conservative Catholic. I didn't realize until much later how over the top it was, so let me put it into perspective for you:

My first Communion was from Pope John Paul II. No, I'm not joking.
I had to pray the Rosary daily.
I wasn't allowed to play with Masters of the Universe toys (because I guess Skeletor was too demonic).
I wasn't allowed to listen to rock music until I was about 9, and even then, not on Sundays (because that's the Lord's day.)

I was the middle child among 4 kids. Joe was the oldest, George was the baby, and Teresa was the girl. I always felt kind of lost in the mix.

So, here's a shy, awkward kid in a big über-Catholic family. I never really had the chance to find my voice before being drowned out (and that plagues me to this day).

I went to Catholic school, where I learned that pride is a sin. When you're 6 years old, shy, and awkward, there's a fine line between self-esteem and pride, and I completely missed it. As a result, I grew up thinking it was my Christian duty to see myself in a negative light.

It was already difficult enough to feel good about myself, but the knowledge that I would be condemned to eternal hellfire if I did compounded the guilt.

And you know how Catholics are about guilt.

As a result, I was never good at making friends, carrying a conversation, or acting social in any capacity. I was much more content to play with my G.I. Joe and Star Wars guys. This has had no impact on my adult life whatsoever.

(Funny side note: I mentioned earlier I wasn't allowed Masters of the Universe toys. Well, back when I was 7 or 8, I decided that when I grow up, and I don't have to obey my parents anymore, I was gonna buy my own MOTU toys and play the hell out of them. I forgot that inner monologue until maybe 5 years ago, after purchasing a Skeletor figure and started playing around with it. Life is funny like that.)

So, fast forward to about 2003. I take George to our first EELS concert. He hadn't really listened to them before (except for on the drive up to Chicago) and wasn't expecting much. I didn't know what to expect, to be honest, but they rocked my socks off. Toward the end, E (the singer/songwriter/Trent Reznor analogue) spoke to the audience, as dynamic front men tend to do. He said it's odd how oblivious we are to the fact that we deserve good things to happen to us, and we should do something nice for ourselves from time to time.

Then he closed with Somebody Loves You.

That always stuck with me. It's good for me to be happy, to feel good about myself. I realized that wallowing in self-pity gets me nowhere. I needed to either accept who I am or become who I wanted to be.

"Start to be what they want you to be, and you see yourself as they see you." - E

- Nipples, Glans, Labia