I've had a lot on my mind, lately...

...but I can't seem to articulate it.

I'm sort of on a self-improvement kick. Kinda.

I'm tired of the same mundane routine, but I can't seem to get out of it. I have art projects I need to finish, but I don't feel like it. I get about halfway done, then get bored. I never finish anything, it seems. I want to get the Zombie script written. I want to get those figures made. I want to finish the pony, the Balrog, the X-Wing, the Robin Hood tapes for Mom. I want to somehow get started on my noir Robin Hood. I want to get that tattoo I've been putting off. I just feel... stunted, I guess. Then there's my goddamn job, the shit that needs done around the house, the deck, etc.

Plus summer vacation is just around the corner, so my schedule's about to go wonky.

And where's the motivation supposed to come from? How am I going to be at work for 9 hours and still have the energy and desire to do all this? Sure there's the weekend, but I also need to relax.

I don't know what I'm trying to say, here. But is this it? Is this that great, wondrous thing called life? I don't ask for much. I just feel kind of left behind, pretty much all the time. I'm frequently overwhelmed by the mind-numbing idiocy that permeates nearly everything.

There's so much I want to get done, but I feel like I just don't have it in me to do any of it. I realize the only thing holding me back is me, and I have no one to blame but myself, but no matter how hard I try, I... just... can't. It's like an artificial barrier has been placed at the 50% mark on my scale potential-o-meter. My internal motivator has an automatic shutoff.

I'm too weak to find that inner strength. It's frustrating.

So, suck it up, get off your ass, and do it!

Wow, what an insight. I can't believe that never occurred to me before.

Yes, I realize I use sarcasm as a defense mechanism.

I also need to go shopping and get laundry. If I go tonight, and they have the new V-Wing, I'm totally getting it.

I also want to buy a copy of Year Zero. It's a fantastic album. I've been borrowing George's. Comalies by Lacuna Coil is also good. Who's Lacuna Coil? They're the band Evanescence is trying too hard to be.

- Nifty Green Lighter