Is Jack my demon, or am I his?

It's hard to write this, because I'm having trouble articulating what I want to say. I type like a cutter bleeds, but I can't seem to apply the right pressure to my head.

I am unhappy.

Tired, sad, dissatisfied, bored, miserable, all of these are apt descriptions of my current state.

I'm a goal-oriented individual, and I believe it's important to have something to work toward. What it is doesn't necessarily matter, just as long as there's something to look forward to, be it earning a degree, getting into law school, going to Amsterdam, or even just finishing a project you're invested in.

I don't have that.

At the end of the day, all I have to look forward to is... the end of the day. My day-to-day goals consist of getting to the weekend with minimal trouble and keeping myself amused. Being in dire financial straits hinders both of those quite a bit. I used to be able to numb my mind and not care. Alas, sobriety is a harsh mistress.

My job consists of a handful of duties that I can usually take care of in maybe two hours tops. I'm not much more than a button monkey. The rest of it is trying to look busy for anyone who may be around.

I'm kind of tired out from Anonymous. I think I might need to take a break for a bit. Stay out of the loop, not get into arguments, etc. It's something that's important to me, but I don't want to end up hating it.

The flow is a perfectly acceptable thing to go with. But right now, I'm just adrift at sea with no idea which way to row. I can't step out, because I'll drown, but I hate just sitting here.

There are any number of projects to work on, but I just can't seem to make myself give a damn. I'm not out to save the world, set things right, or make a difference. I just want to invest myself in something I'm passionate about, and right now, I'm pretty blase about everything.

I'm not feeling creative, inquisitive, inspired, or even the least bit curious about anything. Everything falls into the spectrum between "annoying" and "dreadful".

There may be something on the horizon, but I just can't be bothered to care.

Is there where I throw in the towel?

-Nominally Let Go