This post doesn't apply to you.

I've been told I need more memes. I'm not entirely sure what a meme is, so I followed my brother's cue.


Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com


Which Family Guy character are you?

Turns out I'm a healthy mix of Yoda and Peter Griffin. I can see that. It's nice to know that the whole of my personality can be determined by a couple online quizzes based on fictional characters from my favorite movies/TV shows.

But then, maybe they're my favorites because I can identify with them.

There was never anything quite so fulfilling as sitting in a darkened theater, hearing the Fox fanfare and being whisked off to a galaxy far, far away for a couple hours, loving every second of it, and running home to share my enthusiasm over the latest addition to the epic space saga, only to be told my opinion is wrong. I still maintain that the biggest problem most people have with the prequel trilogy is that they're 20 years older. When you're six, you don't care about weak direction, hokey dialogue, and over the top acting. By the time you're 26, though, you're the single most intelligent and well-rounded person on the Internet, and you know everything there is to know about film, computers, history, science, and dating supermodels.

You have a persona to uphold and develop. You have to cultivate the image of the smart, perfectly fit, Platonic idea of man. You can't have people knowing you're a 20-year-old virgin with bacne and a neck beard, living in your parents' basement, pining for the good old days in high school when you actually got to second base with Lazy-Eye Sullivan before unceremoniously dumping her when the jocks teased you relentlessly about dating a fat chick. Sure, you really liked her, but the opinions of a few jackasses you don't even like are more important. Now you're older but not any wiser.

So, you sit at your computer screen all day. You build up your ideal person as a reaction to your shortcomings. Any music that's popular automatically sucks. Any movies that people rave about are automatically stupid. Any woman you see on the street who isn't build like an Auschwitz survivor is morbidly obese. Your message boards and MMORPGs are the only means of human interaction you have, and you've desensitized yourself to the female form with hours-long masturbation sessions, then complain about never getting laid.

You build your idealized self, and you convince yourself it's real, despite all the evidence otherwise, and all you get in return is unrelenting misery. Your only options are to crawl out of your self-imposed exile and face reality, or stack the BS higher and higher, making matters worse.

It's so much easier to keep stacking, isn't it?

- Next Great Loser