Oprah Winfrey is a rancid, festering media whore.

And I'm not just saying this because she's black, although it would be unfair to say her blackness doesn't play into it.

I am, of course, talking about her "Crash moment" at Hermes in Paris.

As you may know, if you've ever been shopping, generally speaking, if a store closes at, say, 8:30, the customers inside are informed that the store is closing and encouraged to take their purchases to the counter. The doors to the store are locked, and the people are let out by an employee who graciously tells the people who want to get in that the store is, indeed, closed. Patrons of closed stores have been known to linger for over an hour after closing time.

In higher-scale shops, such as, say, Hermes, people are not as strongly encouraged to leave, because they have lots of money they want to give to the proprieters. But closed still means closed.

So, when Oprah showed up at Hermes fifteen minutes after closing, it should come as no surprise that they wouldn't let her in. Granted, they have, in the past, let some VIPs in after closing, but it's not standard operating procedure. If it was, they'd never close.

Now, I don't know if Oprah is any bit the media goddess in France as she is here, but I kind of doubt it.

Now, put yourself in the employee's shoes.

It's 8:45, fifteen minutes past closing, and people are still lingering about. There's some kind of function later on that you may or may not have to work at, and the sooner everyone leaves, the sooner you can close up and go home. Suddenly, a couple Americans show up at the door. You're closed, and you tell them so. They point out the people still shopping. You kindly inform them that they were there before closing, and there's really nothing you can do. Inevitably, they play the "Do-you-know-who-I-am" card, to which you reply "no", and even if you did, you still have that function to help set up. Rather than going away peacefully and returning some other time when your store is open, they bitch and moan and play the dreaded race card.

Next thing you know, this obnoxious woman is back in the US making a big to-do about being turned away from a closed store because she's black. Not because you were closed, not because you had other things to do at the store, after hours, no. It's because she's black, and you're racist.

Now, I'm not saying the race card should never be played. I think it's appropriate in some circumstances, when you're being treated unfairly solely because of your race. Yes, it's true that insitutional racism is still alive throughout the world, and it's a very real problem. But playing the race card just to get your way is not only dishonest, but it hurts the entire pursuit of racial equality.

Celebrities who use the "Do-you-know-who-I-am" card to eke out special priveleges are useless turds floating in a sea of vomit and are worthy of nothing but contempt. When these celebrities invoke their race as the cause for their misfortune, when it clearly isn't (see also Michael Jackson vs. Tommy Matola), the only thing to do is ignore them and forget about them. Nothing pisses off self-rightious celebrities as much as indifference.

Which reminds me, remember when you were asking me for an example of irony?

- Nearly Good-Looking

Things I'm certain of

1. I exist is some capacity. (Cogito, ergo sum. I can't think I think and be wrong.)
2. Non-being cannot be.
3. For all practical purposes, the universe exists roughly as I perceive it.
4. Things in the perceived universe tend to follow patterns.
5. Very little can be known with certainty.

- Nebraskan Garden Lobster

Trouble with Dreams

I totally stole the title from an EELS song.

Major depression sucks ass.

I should know. I've been living with it for well over a decade. I think the worst thing about it, more than the raw emotions, is the persistance. Generally, I'm fine, but every few months I crash. I can generally attribute it to season changes, and that's normal. I hate it, but it's normal. Crashes generally last for a day or two and consist of overwhelming sadness.

But something happened recently.

Last week, I started having dreams of great emotional pain. This wasn't just seasonal sadness. Sadness I can handle, usually, but this was searing pain, the kind I haven't felt since high school, before I went on any kind of medication. I suffer unbearable pain in my subconscious, and it's manifesting itself in my waking life.

What could cause this?

I really don't know. Part of me says it's just brain chemistry, but something else tells me that it's because the thing I'd postponed my suicide for all these years has finally come to pass. Pathetic, I know, but Revenge of the Sith was totally worth not dying.

After I jumped, it occurred to me: Life is perfect. Life is the best, full of magic, and beauty, and opportunity, and television, and surprises, lots of surprises.
- Tom Tom, Million Dollar Hotel

But there's still that little ball of pain deep within that is always threatening to show itself, and I can never get rid of it. All I can do is hope I don't succumb to it, and that's pretty hard in itself.

I don't really know where I'm going with any of this. I'm probably just coming off as an angsty attention whore.

It could also just be stress. I've never been one to cope well with stress, and right now I've got all kinds of shit stacked against me - work, job hunt, being broke, looking for a job, and seeking employment. I hear the one interview I had went really well, and I almost got the job, which is great. The problem is I can't show off my badass interviewing skills if no one calls me in for an interview. What I don't understand is how I see and help students put together their resumes, and they're awful. I'm not trying to say my resume style is anything spectacular, but at least I make sure I spell things right and format things nicely (like right-justifying instead of hitting the spacebar until it looks about right).

I do have some artwork I need to do, and Kenzerco is looking for freelance artists. I wonder, since the work I'm doing is for a Hackmaster campaign, if I can submit it to Kenzerco without violating the NDA. I would imagine so, but I don't wanna risk it.

Also, why are so many people so stupid?

- Noisey Green Lawnmower

Nuggets of Wisdom #1

• Don't do dumb things.
• Do. Or do not. There is no try.
• The universe tends to unfold as it should.
• Nothing worth having ever comes easy.
• Let it go.
• If you're scared to die, you'd better not be scared to live.

- Nathan Gerald Lewis

This post doesn't apply to you.

I've been told I need more memes. I'm not entirely sure what a meme is, so I followed my brother's cue.


Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com


Which Family Guy character are you?

Turns out I'm a healthy mix of Yoda and Peter Griffin. I can see that. It's nice to know that the whole of my personality can be determined by a couple online quizzes based on fictional characters from my favorite movies/TV shows.

But then, maybe they're my favorites because I can identify with them.

There was never anything quite so fulfilling as sitting in a darkened theater, hearing the Fox fanfare and being whisked off to a galaxy far, far away for a couple hours, loving every second of it, and running home to share my enthusiasm over the latest addition to the epic space saga, only to be told my opinion is wrong. I still maintain that the biggest problem most people have with the prequel trilogy is that they're 20 years older. When you're six, you don't care about weak direction, hokey dialogue, and over the top acting. By the time you're 26, though, you're the single most intelligent and well-rounded person on the Internet, and you know everything there is to know about film, computers, history, science, and dating supermodels.

You have a persona to uphold and develop. You have to cultivate the image of the smart, perfectly fit, Platonic idea of man. You can't have people knowing you're a 20-year-old virgin with bacne and a neck beard, living in your parents' basement, pining for the good old days in high school when you actually got to second base with Lazy-Eye Sullivan before unceremoniously dumping her when the jocks teased you relentlessly about dating a fat chick. Sure, you really liked her, but the opinions of a few jackasses you don't even like are more important. Now you're older but not any wiser.

So, you sit at your computer screen all day. You build up your ideal person as a reaction to your shortcomings. Any music that's popular automatically sucks. Any movies that people rave about are automatically stupid. Any woman you see on the street who isn't build like an Auschwitz survivor is morbidly obese. Your message boards and MMORPGs are the only means of human interaction you have, and you've desensitized yourself to the female form with hours-long masturbation sessions, then complain about never getting laid.

You build your idealized self, and you convince yourself it's real, despite all the evidence otherwise, and all you get in return is unrelenting misery. Your only options are to crawl out of your self-imposed exile and face reality, or stack the BS higher and higher, making matters worse.

It's so much easier to keep stacking, isn't it?

- Next Great Loser

Balancing the Force

In 1999, “Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace” raised questions that fans have been mulling over for years. Was Anakin the Chosen One? What does it mean to bring balance to the Force? How is the Force out of balance? What is this Living Force that Qui-Gon Jinn keeps talking about, anyway? Why didn’t he disappear when he died? To answer these questions, we need to understand a little background. Keep in mind that this is only my interpretation and has not been approved, endorsed, or even read by anyone at LucasFilm.

The Old Jedi Order

While I have yet to find any evidence of George Lucas explicitly saying so, the Old Jedi Order is based largely on the Guardian class in Plato’s “The Republic”. Potential Guardians candidates throughout the land are tested at a very young age (consider that Anakin, at age nine, was too old), brought up by the Republic as servants for the Republic. Attachment is forbidden, possessions are forbidden, and compassion is central to the life of a Guardian. Even the phrase guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic is taken almost verbatim from “The Republic”.

All told, the Old Jedi Order is a rigidly structured organization based on rules, codes, and procedures. When Qui-Gon tells the Council that he will take Anakin as his Padawan, Master Windu tells him the code forbids it. Qui-Gon was always a bit of a renegade Jedi, though.

The Force

“The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy field that surrounds us, penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi – Episode IV

The Force is based on elements in Eastern philosophies, such as Buddhism and Taoism. It is a simplified, mystical version of the Tao. In Lao Tzu’s “Tao Te Ching”, the Tao is described many times as a river, stream, or other flowing body of water. It is fluid, always changing, growing, adapting, and evolving. It cannot be contained or forced.

A central tenet of Taoism is wu wei, which, directly translated, means acting without action. It is non-doing, riding the Tao, floating like a leaf on the river of life.

Conflicting Philosophies

The rigid structure of the Old Jedi Order is incompatible with the fluid nature of the Force. The Council wanted the Force to answer to it, to follow their rules. They saw the Force as a reflection of the Order. Qui-Gon Jinn saw it differently, and the Council was dismissive of her point of view. He saw the Force as a living entity with a will of its own, unbound by rules and codes. As a follower of the Living Force, he was more inclined to follow the will of the Force, even without the approval of the Council. In following the will of the Force, Qui-Gon saved Jar Jar Binks, to the chagrin of Obi-Wan and millions of Star Wars fans, wagered property that was not his, and bartered over human life. The Jedi Council would never have allowed any of this to transpire. They almost did not allow young Anakin Skywalker to be trained as a Jedi. Qui-Gon’s view of the Force would eventually become the basis for the New Jedi Order, but he would have to die to make that happen.

One with the Force

When Qui-Gon fell to Darth Maul’s blade, he did not disappear as many people anticipated. In Episodes IV and VI, when Obi-Wan and Yoda passed away, their bodies disappeared, and it was assumed that disappearing is simply what dead Jedi do. In Episode II, something interesting and wholly unique (within the context of the overall story) happened. Anakin Skywalker returned to his home on Tatooine to save his mother. He found her bound, gagged, and severely beaten in a tent at a Tusken camp. He held his mother in his arms as she told her only son, now a grown man and a Jedi, that she loved him. When she died, Anakin was filled with anger. The Tuskens killed his mother. They had to pay. Overcome with rage, the Chosen One slaughtered every man, woman and child in the camp.

At the same time, Yoda was meditating on Coruscant, and he felt young Skywalker’s pain and possibly the suffering of the slain Sand people. He also heard familiar voice, one he had not heard for ten years. The disembodied voice of Qui-Gon yelled, “Anakin! Anakin! No!” Yoda learns to commune with the ghost of Qui-Gon, and at the end of Episode III (or shortly after), he shares the secret with Obi-Wan.

The Episode III novel went into greater detail. Qui-Gon appeared to Yoda in voice only. He told Yoda that he had discovered the path to immortality and limitless power, a path that Anakin had struggled throughout the story trying to find. Yoda became Qui-Gon’s apprentice, as did Obi-Wan later on. Not only does this allow for the “disappearing trick” to be explained, but it illustrates Yoda’s acceptance that the Council was wrong. He had once told Qui-Gon, “An apprentice you already have. Impossible to take a second.”

What is the “disappearing trick”? How does it work? How can Qui-Gon be a ghost but not have a body? There is no real trick. Qui-Gon’s spirit was one with the Living Force. Internally, he was in the right place. Externally, he was bound by the Jedi Code. His spirit was free to follow the will of the Force, but his body was not. When his body died, he did not resign himself to death. He resigned himself to the Force, and since he was in tune with it, his spirit was absorbed into it. He knew that the way of the Force lay in giving up attachments and acting out of compassion. His compassion is self-evident, and he gave up his only attachment – his body – for the greater good.

Yoda, Obi-Wan, and Anakin needed to forgo their attachments as well. But first, they had to recognize them. Yoda was loyal to the Republic and the Jedi Order. At their fall, Yoda fought to keep them alive and failed. The Republic and the Old Jedi Order gone, Yoda’s only attachment was to his own body. He held on to that as long as he could, long enough to see the return of the Jedi. Obi-Wan had a strong attachment to Anakin. He loved him. They were like brothers. When Anakin was consumed by Darth Vader, Obi-Wan was devastated. Obi-Wan brought young Luke to Tatooine to keep a watchful, but distant eye on him. He knew that acting like a father figure to Luke would have ended badly, so he took on the role of eccentric uncle. During his exile on Tatooine, Obi-Wan watched over Luke and communed with Qui-Gon to learn the ways of the Living Force. Yoda did the same on Dagobah. It should be made clear that neither Obi-Wan nor Yoda took Luke under their respective wings out of love. They knew he and his sister would be the last hope for freedom in the galaxy and to destroy the Sith. They trained him out of duty.

About twenty years after Anakin fell to the dark side, the Galactic Civil War was underway, and it finally reared its ugly head above the lonely backwater planet of Tatooine. R2- D2 and C-3PO ended up in Luke’s hands, and Luke ran into Ben Kenobi, the old hermit who lived across the dune sea. The only attachments Luke ever knew were killed by the Empire, so he joined Ben on his journey to Alderaan with the Death Star plans. Ben, it turned out, was a general in the Clone Wars, and he went by the name of Obi-Wan. He was a Jedi Knight and close personal friend of Luke’s late father, Anakin. Obi-Wan, of course, told Luke that Anakin had been killed by Darth Vader, who was now the Emperor’s right hand man. Not long after their chance meeting out in the Jundland Wastes, Kenobi ran into Darth Vader again after twenty years. Vader was still angry and filled with hate. Obi-Wan and Vader duel one last time. Vader wanted revenge, while Obi-Wan wanted to stall him while Luke and company got back to the ship.

Before he fell, Anakin Skywalker was obsessed with power and immortality. Obi-Wan knew this, and he had found a path to both. He knew he was at an end, so he sacrificed his body, his final worldly attachment, and became one with the Force. Vader was confused.

A few years later, on Dagobah, Yoda knew his long life was reaching its end, and he too finally gave up his last worldly attachment and became one with the Force as well. Shortly thereafter, Darth Vader and Luke fought. The Emperor saw Luke as a potential replacement for Vader, but his plan backfired. When Luke refused to turn, the Emperor took it upon himself to destroy him. As Luke writhed in agony, Vader was forced to choose. On the one hand, there was Emperor Palpatine, his master, longtime friend and confidante, the one man he had been loyal to his entire life. On the other hand, his son, the son he did not know he had until just recently. Not only was Luke the son he never had, but he was a living reminder of Padme, the love he inadvertently killed out of anger after selling his soul to save.

There was conflict. For years, Vader had been working under the assumption that he was completely lost to the Dark Side of the Force. His angry quest for unlimited power kept him alive. It was all he knew. Suddenly, he had a son. His initial idea after finding out was to turn Luke to the Dark Side. Then, they could overthrow the Emperor and rule the galaxy. Luke did not want that. Luke just wanted a father. All his life, Luke wondered about his dad, and it was only relatively recently that he learned of the mighty heroic deeds of the late Anakin Skywalker. He, like his dying mother, believed Anakin could be redeemed. As Luke writhed in agony on the floor of the Emperor’s throne room, Vader, Anakin, felt conflict.

If there was conflict with the Dark Side in him, then the Light Side must still exist within. If the Light Side still exists in his soul, then he is not completely lost to the Dark Side. Anakin saw the tiny glimmer and knew that there was goodness in him, but if he did nothing to save Luke, he might lose that last tiny shred. Anakin hoisted Palpatine up and flung him into a bottomless pit, absorbing all the Force lightning in the process. Anakin Skywalker was still alive, and the man that fueled his rage was now gone. As he lay dying, Anakin wanted only one thing – to see his own son with his own eyes. Everything he had loved was gone, and he was finally able to let them go.

Balancing the Force

Anakin Skywalker was the Chosen One because he brought balance to the Force. Balancing the Force is not simply a matter of the number of Jedi versus the number of Sith. That would only necessitate thinning out the Jedi ranks until only two were left. At the end of the story, only Luke was left, and he was a Jedi. Anakin brought balance by destroying the Sith. Remember the principle of wu wei and the imagery of the leaf floating on a river. For around a thousand years, the Old Jedi Order acted as guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic.

The Old Jedi Order felt like they had a monopoly on the Force, that it was theirs alone, and that they could control it. Over time, the Old Jedi Order became stagnant. Mace Windu epitomized the Old Jedi Order. He was arrogant, uncompassionate, set in his ways, and reluctant to believe that the Sith could have returned, that Count Dooku could be behind an assassination attempt, or that the Senate could be under Sith control. The Old Jedi Order was much the same way. It was a large rock in the stream, forcing the water to break against it and find its way around.

The Sith were at the other end of the spectrum. They, too, used the Force as a means to their ends, and they also thought they could control it. Rather than being stagnant, though, they pushed forward for faster, easier power. The Sith were like a speedboat, tearing through the stream, destroying everything in its path.

After the Jedi Purge, only Yoda and Obi-Wan survived. The Old Jedi Order was gone, and the Sith ruled the galaxy. Luke began his Jedi training under Yoda’s tutelage, but not in the style of the Old Jedi Order. Luke learned Qui-Gon’s brand of the Force. He was not concerned with codes, regulations, and midi-chlorian counts. His only concern was following the will of the Force. When Yoda passed away, he told Luke to pass on what he had learned.

Anakin made a choice to save the life of his son, and, in doing so, he turned away from the Dark Side and destroyed the Sith. Upon his death, the final remnants of the Old Jedi Order were gone forever. The age-old, galaxy-wide conflict between Light and Dark and the power struggle between Sith and Jedi were over. Only Luke remained, and with him, the beginning of a new, balanced Jedi Order.

- Not George Lucas

The long and arduous process...

I hate looking for a job.

I really hate it.

No, I don't think you fully appreciate the depths of my loathing for the job hunt. So far, I've been overqualified, not the right person, too inexperienced, and just unnoticed. It sucks.

Not that you should really care.

I mean, everyone has to do it at some point. I just wish there was an easier way, one that bypasses all the formalities and doesn't depend on the eloquence of a cover letter, the format of a resume, or the necessity to explain what my goals for the next five years are, and what I think my weakest points are.

You're supposed to answer the questions honestly, but also make yourself look good. Where do I see myself in five years? Sitting in front of a computer at a do-nothing job to fund my various creative enterprises. What's my biggest weakness? It's hard to decided. Either it's apathy or lack of motivation.

This is my generic cover letter:

Dear ***:

I am applying for the *** position posted on ***. My collaborative and communication skills, creativity, and design skills will be a great asset to your company.

The many communication-intensive classes I attended in the course of obtaining my degree in philosophy have served to support my already well-honed art and design skills with the written and oral communication skills necessary to serve my clients. In the past ten years as an independent creative contractor, I have come to appreciate and surpass the expectations of my clients. These experiences combined make me the ideal person to hold the *** position in your *** department.

Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

NGL

Here's how I'd prefer it:

Dear ***:
Okay, here's the deal: You need a worker, and I need a job. I'm your ideal candidate. Don't believe me? Check the resume. I'm totally qualified. Let's hook up, say, Thursday for an interview. How's 2:00 sound? Let me know. Can't wait to get on your payroll.

- NGL

Sadly, it doesn't work like that. There's formalities, procedures, and whatnot. It's annoying. It's infuriating. If I'm lucky, I'll get an interview. Fantastic. I just can't wait to feign interest in your company while your grill me about goals, strengths, weaknesses, and whatever questions I might have for you. My biggest concern at that point is trying not to sweat too noticeably and keeping my foot far away from my mouth.

Not only that, but I have the world's most useless degree. Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy. Oooh. That's employable. Huge market for that. We need more thinkers, but we also need people to pay us to think. Since I'm not going to grad school, there's little to no chance of me ever getting a doctorate, and even if I did, that'd just put me in a teaching position, if I'm lucky. Not really something I care to pursue.

So, what is there for an almost-30 recent college grad with a philosophy degree and a panache for the arts?

Writing.

Easier said than done. I've never been published. Well, nothing I've written has. The best I've come up with is a series of failed web sites, a floundering fake news site, and now this blog experiment. NPR has been making a big deal about blogs, so they're obviously at the forefront orogue journalism. The Daily Show even had a segment on them.

I anticipate, at some point in the next couple of years, to have the following conversation:

Friend: Hey, remember when blogging was cool?
Me: Oh yeah! I think I might've had one, once.
Friend: Haha! Idiot.

Gotta love the fast-paced society we've forged for ourselves. No time to stop and smell the roses. I have to work at a high-stress job I hate so I can buy another SUV I don't need. Hope I don't spill my half-caf mocha latte all over my H2's suede upholstery when some idiot who's completely oblivious to the fact that I'm on the phone and trying to enjoy my drink rear ends me. Coffee stains are a hassle to get out. At least there's another Starbucks drive-thru across the street, and a venti latte is only $8.50.

- No Greater Love