The Bull Moose Party

Dave had a party last week. He called it a Bull Moose Party. For those not "in the know", the Bull Moose Party was another name for the Progressive Party that gave us Theodore Roosevelt.

It's a play on words, see?

Anyway, Dave. Party. His place.

I'm not much of a party person. I suck at small talk, and I generally sit around bored until I get sick of being a party pooper and go home and mope because I'm insecure like that.

Oddly enough, this didn't happen. Know what happened? I actually had fun. I brought some beer mugs to share (since Dave brought a keg), and I brought some smokes and my blank white cards. Nobody played BWC, though.

Anyway, after going upstairs and loosening up (I'd just gotten off work, and it was the weekend), I came down and socialized. It was really weird. I sat on the couch a bit, then decided to get some soda. I'm not much of a drinker. I don't care for being drunk. For some reason, a lot of people just don't get that.

So, I get up and make my way to the minifridge in the basement, and somehow, I get caught up in at least 2 seperate conversation. At one point, Trent told me to tell Dan I saw Rockapella live in concert. (I totally did, too. They sang the Folger's jingle.)

What surprised me most was that I was actually pretty comfortable around others. I still suck at small talk, but I made an effort. I'm proud of myself.

Plus, I had fun.

Except for that one guy.

His name was Rob, and he loved to hear himself talk. Not many other people shared his love, and he went through the entire party snagging people into conversations just so he could hear his angelic voice. I don't know how people do it. I've met my share of annoying folks who can talk for hours on end and say absolutely nothing. This guy had it down to a science.

Give the man a friendly nod, and suddenly you're his BFF demanding his life story.

What's worse, he tried to take part (i.e. dominate) multiple conversations at once. At one point, Dan, Trent, Andrew, and I were talking about something inconsequential, and Dan, being Dan, brought up the illustrious topic of man-on-man buttsex. Like Pavlov's dog, the mere mention of phallo-rectal stimulation caused Rob to drool, spin around mid-sentence and verify that you were, indeed, making reference to anal intercourse.

And this happened [i]every single time[/i], which, if you know my wacky circle of friends, is a lot.

Toward the end of the party, most of the guests had left. There was only me, Dave, Rob, and... umm... that one other guy who lives with Andrew and Trevor and whose name I can never remember, but is nevertheless a charming lad. We're in Dave's room, Everyone but Rob is in Dave's room. We don't really know where Rob went. But we found out soon enough when he found us.

He starts in on his conservative beliefs. He's opposed to abortion because "life is life". I can respect that. Honestly, it's not a subject I have any opinion on because it has no impact on my life. Then he starts in on why gay marriage should be illegal, and I am treated to the single worst argument against gay marriage (which, in case you haven't figured out, I'm all for) ever. The argument goes like this:

1. Ancient Greece was the height of human civilization.
2. In ancient Greece, men were "railing each other in the ass" all the time.
3. Even they knew not to call it marriage.
4. Therefore gays shouldn't marry.

Ok, let's look at this like rational people.

1. Whether ancient Greece was the height of human civilization is open to much debate. In fact, I doubt most people would agree with this premise, given a number of little facts about ancient Greece, like the presence of slavery, the subjugation of women, the lack of indoor plumbing, cooling, or heating, the harsh penalties in place for corrupting youth, the complete lack of washing machines, etc. The point is this. Premise 1 is a matter of opinion, and is no basis for a logical proof.
2. This is basically false. In ancient Greece, around Plato's time, it was common practice for men to take on apprentices in their respective trades. Master and apprentice had a unique relationship which did involve sodomy. However, ancient Grecian sodomy practices were not traditionally of the two-men-in-a-romantic-relationship vein but rather in a more NAMBLA sense. During that time, prepubescent boys were considered by most Greek men to be kinda hot. Like I said, the sodomy took place in a semi-professional relationship.
3. Let's forget, for the moment, that the previous two premises are fallaceous. Even so, marriage is not just "legal sex". It's much more complicated than that. Marriage is an arrangement between two consenting adults who live together and share certain benefits of their union (like, say, being allowed to speak for one another).
   
4. Basically, what it sounds like is this: If it was good enough for the ancient Greeks, it should be good enough for us. Let us then resort to geocentrism, white male supremacy, cold winters, hot summers, pedophilia, and entire days devoted to doing laundry.

Dave says he was invited out of courtesy.

- Neo Geo Leo