You really, really shouldn't have a dog. I'm not the only one who thinks so.
Mom, it's like you decided one day that you wanted a dog. So, you checked some out, kicked some tires, and decided on this cute, spunky one named for a Beatles song. Now, I'm not complaining about your selection. Elly's as good a dog as any, but I don't think you quite realize what you've gotten yourself into.
Now, I'm not trying to come off as an asshole, here. I just want to say what so many of us have been thinking.
First, she's not a cat. She's not a self-sufficient creature who needs fed a couple times a day, the litterbox cleaned out once a month, and an occasional brushing. It seems like you want her to behave like a cat, though. It's not gonna happen. Ever. Everything I've ever seen her get yelled at for is typical canine behavior. What good is a watchdog who doesn't bark when someone comes to the door?
Second, yelling and punishment don't make a dog behave. Stop relying on negative reinforcement. It fucked your kids up plenty, and it's not doing the dog any favors. Training a dog is an intensive process, not to be half-assed. Most dogs need a 45 minute walk each day. Letting her outside from time to time, then giving her a treat only teaches her that she'll be rewarded for coming inside.
Third, the Gentle Leader has got to go. It's a device designed to a specific purpose, and you're misusing it. Even after being informed of its correct usage, you continue to misuse it. It's an ineffective, cruel form of punishment.
Your dog is miserable, and it's not her fault.
Well, she is our dog.
And Fuffy's my cat. That doesn't mean I own him any more than I own my sister. I don't tie up his snout when he's rambunctious or in the way. And there's always water out for him.
You don't own the dog. She's a living, breathing, sentient creature. It's a reciprocal relationship that dates back to our hunter-gatherer days. You provide for her, and she watches out for you. Just because she's dumb doesn't make her any less of an individual. Trying to mold her into your ideal animal is not going to work. Especially not the way you're trying. It will only end in bad behavior and sadness.
So, please, for everyone's sake, either learn to take care of her the right way, or find someone else who can.
- Next Generation Lighting
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
William Dembski is a worthless lump of cells.
For those of you who don't know who William Dembski is, let me tell you.
William Dembski is a mathematician, theologian, "cdesign proponantsist", and one-time senior fellow at the Discovery Institute. He served as Ann Coulter's science advisor for her most recent laugh riot, Godless, and his biggest argument against the theory of evolution is that it's so unlikely that it may as well never have happened.
He has a problem with intellectual honesty, and he prefers to dig himself into deeper holes over admitting he was wrong.
To put it bluntly, I flush more academic integrity when I get home from work than he has in his whole body.
Not only that, but he's a monumental dick, to boot. But it's all in the name of glorifying God, so it's ok.
This post is about an event that took place earlier this year, which didn't make much news, but pisses me off whenever I remember it.
On March 3, 2006, a biologist from the University of Texas, named Eric Pianka gave a speech which basically said that the planet is overpopulated, and, historically speaking, we're waaay overdue for a plague, virus, or some other event that would drastically thin out the herd.
He went on to say that the ebola virus is particularly dangerous, that the human population all over the planet is just perfectly set up for a huge viral outbreak that would kill off 90% of the human population, that a lower human population would be a good thing for the planet, that people need to realize that the planet isn't something we're meant to have control over, but rather something we need to live in harmony with, and that basically, most of us are doomed.
I don't really know how likely this event is, but I do recognize that we're far too overpopulated, that we haven't had a massive catastrophe in a while, and that people are too cocky about their place in the world.
Well, word of the talk got to Dembski (via some douchebag named Mims, who basically argued that it could never happen because God wouldn't let it), and he posted a nice response to it on his haven of ignorance, Uncommon Descent.
Basically, Dembski decided that Pianka wasn't making a prediction, but, in fact, he was telling the world of his sinister plot to manufacture a much deadlier strain of the ebola virus, introduce it to the population, and watch with glee from his subterranean bunker as humanity crumbles into near-nothingness. Then, when the dust has cleared, and the rubble has been swept away, Pianka was to emerge onto the scene as humanity's savior and lead the people of the world to a new era of prosperity, Satan-worship, and evil-ution.
Well, William Dembski, the great Christian Hero of Righteousness took matters into his own hands to stop the evil Pianka, and he notified the Department of Homeland Security that Pianka was a potential bioterrorist.
Pianka has since been interviewed by the FBI, who found nothing worthwhile.
As for Dembski, I can only hope he'll see the light. I doubt he will, though.
- Nomenclature Generator Lite
William Dembski is a mathematician, theologian, "cdesign proponantsist", and one-time senior fellow at the Discovery Institute. He served as Ann Coulter's science advisor for her most recent laugh riot, Godless, and his biggest argument against the theory of evolution is that it's so unlikely that it may as well never have happened.
He has a problem with intellectual honesty, and he prefers to dig himself into deeper holes over admitting he was wrong.
To put it bluntly, I flush more academic integrity when I get home from work than he has in his whole body.
Not only that, but he's a monumental dick, to boot. But it's all in the name of glorifying God, so it's ok.
This post is about an event that took place earlier this year, which didn't make much news, but pisses me off whenever I remember it.
On March 3, 2006, a biologist from the University of Texas, named Eric Pianka gave a speech which basically said that the planet is overpopulated, and, historically speaking, we're waaay overdue for a plague, virus, or some other event that would drastically thin out the herd.
He went on to say that the ebola virus is particularly dangerous, that the human population all over the planet is just perfectly set up for a huge viral outbreak that would kill off 90% of the human population, that a lower human population would be a good thing for the planet, that people need to realize that the planet isn't something we're meant to have control over, but rather something we need to live in harmony with, and that basically, most of us are doomed.
I don't really know how likely this event is, but I do recognize that we're far too overpopulated, that we haven't had a massive catastrophe in a while, and that people are too cocky about their place in the world.
Well, word of the talk got to Dembski (via some douchebag named Mims, who basically argued that it could never happen because God wouldn't let it), and he posted a nice response to it on his haven of ignorance, Uncommon Descent.
Basically, Dembski decided that Pianka wasn't making a prediction, but, in fact, he was telling the world of his sinister plot to manufacture a much deadlier strain of the ebola virus, introduce it to the population, and watch with glee from his subterranean bunker as humanity crumbles into near-nothingness. Then, when the dust has cleared, and the rubble has been swept away, Pianka was to emerge onto the scene as humanity's savior and lead the people of the world to a new era of prosperity, Satan-worship, and evil-ution.
Well, William Dembski, the great Christian Hero of Righteousness took matters into his own hands to stop the evil Pianka, and he notified the Department of Homeland Security that Pianka was a potential bioterrorist.
Pianka has since been interviewed by the FBI, who found nothing worthwhile.
As for Dembski, I can only hope he'll see the light. I doubt he will, though.
- Nomenclature Generator Lite
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Bush locates constitution's sphincter, forcibly inserts penis.
Remember high school civics? Social studies? Government?
I do. I distinctly remember covering subjects like checks and balances and due process.
See, the Constitution set up a system of checks and balances by mandating three equally powerful branches of government: Executive, legislative, and judicial. The legislative branch is split into two parts: The Senate and the House of Representatives. The system was designed in such a manner as to restrict one party from taking too much power. The founders thought the chances that one party could gain control of the presidency, the House, the Senate, and the Supreme Court were astronomical, and they were right. Astronomical, but not impossible.
What we have now is a government completely controlled by the Republican Party. The system of checks and balances has failed, thanks to well-meaning evangelicals and perhaps the worst administration this country has seen since Nixon.
Now, I voted for Bush the first time around, when I was a good Catholic, single-issue voter with my head up my ass, and I am truly truly sorry.
The Republican party has too much power. This has been illustrated time and again throughout the Bush presidency. It's frightening. The Republicans have used a national tragedy as a springboard to corruption. When the terrorists attacked, the United States had a monster to confront, which we did, briefly, but like a kid who needs Ritalin, our government moved on to a bigger, more exciting toy.
They rushed questionable legislation through Congress in the name of the USA PATRIOT Act. Most people aren't aware this is an acronym. Some of us cried foul about the restrictions of civil liberties, but most of America, it seems, was fine with sacrificing a few things we don't use for the sake of security. There were discussions on bulletin boards about whether torture is ever justified (not that it would ever happen, because that's where the people would draw the line), or whether freedom is such a great idea in the first place.
Naturally, the more skeptical of us, and those of us into dystopian fiction had a few alarms go off. We were, of course, promptly dismissed, because it'll all be over pretty quick, and we'd be fine if we just don't break the rules.
Well, it turns out torture was going on, and, of course, the flag wavers all dismissed it as not being that bad, and as a necessary tool. And besides, it's not technically torture under the Geneva Convention. I mean, luckily we have that in place to prevent any real wrongdoing.
Meanwhile, we dissenters are labeled weak, traitorous, and unamerican.
Besides, it's not like they're illegally tapping our phones or running secret prisons overseas. That's where we'll draw the line, but there's just no way that will happen.
Well, it turns out they are tapping our phones and running secret prisons. But it's all necessary to fight the Enemy, the evil people who hate us and our freedom. We still have most of our liberties, provided we watch what we do and say. They're the monster, not us. Besides, it's not like they're going to overturn the Geneva convention or suspend our right to a fair and speedy trial, right?
Right??
Because that's where we'll draw the line.
Wait, what's this? I was distracted by that Mark Foley scandal. You mentioned something about a new law? Well, it can't be that bad. I mean, it's not like they've given the president the right to interpret the Geneva Convention as he sees fit.
It's not like they've allowed enemy combatants to be detained indefinitely. Well, maybe they have, but at least the know the charges against them, right?
No?
Well, they can at least appeal to the judge about...
Not that either?
Well, there must be a pretty strict way of determining who is or isn't an enemy combatant, though, right? I mean, it's not like Bush or Rumsfeld can put together their own tribunal to decide that, say, I am an enemy for posting on my blog, right? That's protected under the Constitution.
Well, ok, maybe they technically could decide that, but I'd be able to appeal and prove my status as an upstanding American citizen.
Oh wait, no I can't. I don't get to see a judge.
But I haven't done anything.
Doesn't matter.
But I should still feel safe, right? Because our government would never abuse its power.
And yet people still complain about the Big Brother comparisons. They insist that the government has our best interests in mind, and we should trust them.
I will trust the government when they earn my trust, and I will stop the Big Brother comparisons when they're no longer warranted.
Until then, I will enjoy my freedom to think, speak, and act as I please. I will maintain that George W. Bush should be removed from office, that Dick Cheney is a horrible excuse for a human being, that Donald Rumsfeld should have been a blowjob, and that those who continue to support this administration are the real traitors.
This is still the land of the free, right?
- Neoconservative Government Lackey
I do. I distinctly remember covering subjects like checks and balances and due process.
See, the Constitution set up a system of checks and balances by mandating three equally powerful branches of government: Executive, legislative, and judicial. The legislative branch is split into two parts: The Senate and the House of Representatives. The system was designed in such a manner as to restrict one party from taking too much power. The founders thought the chances that one party could gain control of the presidency, the House, the Senate, and the Supreme Court were astronomical, and they were right. Astronomical, but not impossible.
What we have now is a government completely controlled by the Republican Party. The system of checks and balances has failed, thanks to well-meaning evangelicals and perhaps the worst administration this country has seen since Nixon.
Now, I voted for Bush the first time around, when I was a good Catholic, single-issue voter with my head up my ass, and I am truly truly sorry.
The Republican party has too much power. This has been illustrated time and again throughout the Bush presidency. It's frightening. The Republicans have used a national tragedy as a springboard to corruption. When the terrorists attacked, the United States had a monster to confront, which we did, briefly, but like a kid who needs Ritalin, our government moved on to a bigger, more exciting toy.
They rushed questionable legislation through Congress in the name of the USA PATRIOT Act. Most people aren't aware this is an acronym. Some of us cried foul about the restrictions of civil liberties, but most of America, it seems, was fine with sacrificing a few things we don't use for the sake of security. There were discussions on bulletin boards about whether torture is ever justified (not that it would ever happen, because that's where the people would draw the line), or whether freedom is such a great idea in the first place.
Naturally, the more skeptical of us, and those of us into dystopian fiction had a few alarms go off. We were, of course, promptly dismissed, because it'll all be over pretty quick, and we'd be fine if we just don't break the rules.
Well, it turns out torture was going on, and, of course, the flag wavers all dismissed it as not being that bad, and as a necessary tool. And besides, it's not technically torture under the Geneva Convention. I mean, luckily we have that in place to prevent any real wrongdoing.
Meanwhile, we dissenters are labeled weak, traitorous, and unamerican.
Besides, it's not like they're illegally tapping our phones or running secret prisons overseas. That's where we'll draw the line, but there's just no way that will happen.
Well, it turns out they are tapping our phones and running secret prisons. But it's all necessary to fight the Enemy, the evil people who hate us and our freedom. We still have most of our liberties, provided we watch what we do and say. They're the monster, not us. Besides, it's not like they're going to overturn the Geneva convention or suspend our right to a fair and speedy trial, right?
Right??
Because that's where we'll draw the line.
Wait, what's this? I was distracted by that Mark Foley scandal. You mentioned something about a new law? Well, it can't be that bad. I mean, it's not like they've given the president the right to interpret the Geneva Convention as he sees fit.
It's not like they've allowed enemy combatants to be detained indefinitely. Well, maybe they have, but at least the know the charges against them, right?
No?
Well, they can at least appeal to the judge about...
Not that either?
Well, there must be a pretty strict way of determining who is or isn't an enemy combatant, though, right? I mean, it's not like Bush or Rumsfeld can put together their own tribunal to decide that, say, I am an enemy for posting on my blog, right? That's protected under the Constitution.
Well, ok, maybe they technically could decide that, but I'd be able to appeal and prove my status as an upstanding American citizen.
Oh wait, no I can't. I don't get to see a judge.
But I haven't done anything.
Doesn't matter.
But I should still feel safe, right? Because our government would never abuse its power.
And yet people still complain about the Big Brother comparisons. They insist that the government has our best interests in mind, and we should trust them.
I will trust the government when they earn my trust, and I will stop the Big Brother comparisons when they're no longer warranted.
Until then, I will enjoy my freedom to think, speak, and act as I please. I will maintain that George W. Bush should be removed from office, that Dick Cheney is a horrible excuse for a human being, that Donald Rumsfeld should have been a blowjob, and that those who continue to support this administration are the real traitors.
This is still the land of the free, right?
- Neoconservative Government Lackey
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Fux News
I was originally going to post about the whole buying a house/moving/soreness hassle, but everyone knows moving sucks and buying a home is stressful (though it is a lovely place).
I also considered posting a rant about the recent bill that was passed which allowsthe president o "reinterpret" the Geneva Convention, which gives the rest of the world a fantastic opinion of the United States.
But this whole Mark Foley thing is just too much.
If you've been paying attention to anything the past couple days, you're aware of the fact that Florida Republican Mark Foley and former chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children recently resigned after it was discovered that he was having illicit IM conversations with underage congressional pages, and that some of his colleagues in the Republican Party were aware of it, yet refused to take action.
The conservative right has been trying to cover their asses ever since, and they've been doing a hell of a job. Newt Gingrich actually declared on national television that the reason no one stepped forward about the scandal was because they would be accused of gay bashing.
Let us ignore, for the moment, that pedophilia, even homosexual pedophilia, is not the same as homosexuality and that most homosexual pedophiles are, in fact, white heterosexual males. What we have is an organisation who acknowledges its member to be a pedophile, yet refuses to do or say anything about it, thus enabling the pedophile's actions.
Sound familiar? The same thing happened with the Catholic Church a couple years back. You may remember this, as I do, and you probably remember the public outcry against the press for bashing the gay priests. Funny how I missed that.
But that's not the best part. The best part, as you may have gathered from the title of this post, is the interesting role that America's most trusted fair and balanced news channel has taken.
You may at one time or another have heard rumors to the effect that Fox News has a slight conservative bias. I know, it's all part of the liberal media's plan to subvert the truth, but hear me out. Fox News has been doing its damnedest to try to spin this story to make the Democrats look bad. First, there's the everso popular question mark. You may be familiar with this technique. By adding a question mark to the end of the sentence, you can make up all sorts of baseless stories and assumptions while at the same time washing your hands of any responsibility. Rather than saying, for example, "NGL rapes puppies", a statement that is not remotely true and has no basis in reality, they can pose the question, "Does NGL really rape puppies?" This way, despite never having any kind of sexual, prepubescent canine interaction, I am suddenly painted as a potential puppy rapist.
Similarly, Fox News doesn't actually come out and say, "Dems ignore Foley e-mails to preserve seat." That would imply that the Democrats had knowledge of the illicit communications and were sitting on it to use as part of their election strategy. Never mind, of course, the well-established fact that the Republicans did. Instead, they ask, "Did dems ignore Foley e-mails to preserve seat?" Now it's just an innocent question. Sure, there's no real reason to think they did, but now we have the conjecture out there, and for some poor miseducated folks, that's as good as a guilty verdict.
As if that wasn't low enough, the folks at Fox News are also trying to distance the Republicans from Foley by relabeling him a Democrat. That's right. No Republican would ever display any p
edophilic tendancies, but those godless Democrats, well, that's a different story. There have been reports that Bill O'Reilly has repeatedly referred to Foley as a Democrat, and the network has literally labeled him as such.
And I thought my opinion of Fox News couldn't get any lower.
Fox News is to journalism what the WWE is to sports. Maybe we should start calling it news entertainment.
And now for the delicious icing on the cake: Mark Foley has blamed his penchant for boys on his alcoholism and prior sexual abuse. He recently checked himself into a treatment facility in Clearwater FL to deal with his alcoholism.
Can anyone guess what kind of treatment facilities they have in the quiet town of Clearwater? I'll give you a hint: Mark Foley is also the proud owner of a leatherbound edition of Dianetics.
- Noteworthy German Leper
I also considered posting a rant about the recent bill that was passed which allowsthe president o "reinterpret" the Geneva Convention, which gives the rest of the world a fantastic opinion of the United States.
But this whole Mark Foley thing is just too much.
If you've been paying attention to anything the past couple days, you're aware of the fact that Florida Republican Mark Foley and former chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children recently resigned after it was discovered that he was having illicit IM conversations with underage congressional pages, and that some of his colleagues in the Republican Party were aware of it, yet refused to take action.
The conservative right has been trying to cover their asses ever since, and they've been doing a hell of a job. Newt Gingrich actually declared on national television that the reason no one stepped forward about the scandal was because they would be accused of gay bashing.
Let us ignore, for the moment, that pedophilia, even homosexual pedophilia, is not the same as homosexuality and that most homosexual pedophiles are, in fact, white heterosexual males. What we have is an organisation who acknowledges its member to be a pedophile, yet refuses to do or say anything about it, thus enabling the pedophile's actions.
Sound familiar? The same thing happened with the Catholic Church a couple years back. You may remember this, as I do, and you probably remember the public outcry against the press for bashing the gay priests. Funny how I missed that.
But that's not the best part. The best part, as you may have gathered from the title of this post, is the interesting role that America's most trusted fair and balanced news channel has taken.
You may at one time or another have heard rumors to the effect that Fox News has a slight conservative bias. I know, it's all part of the liberal media's plan to subvert the truth, but hear me out. Fox News has been doing its damnedest to try to spin this story to make the Democrats look bad. First, there's the everso popular question mark. You may be familiar with this technique. By adding a question mark to the end of the sentence, you can make up all sorts of baseless stories and assumptions while at the same time washing your hands of any responsibility. Rather than saying, for example, "NGL rapes puppies", a statement that is not remotely true and has no basis in reality, they can pose the question, "Does NGL really rape puppies?" This way, despite never having any kind of sexual, prepubescent canine interaction, I am suddenly painted as a potential puppy rapist.
Similarly, Fox News doesn't actually come out and say, "Dems ignore Foley e-mails to preserve seat." That would imply that the Democrats had knowledge of the illicit communications and were sitting on it to use as part of their election strategy. Never mind, of course, the well-established fact that the Republicans did. Instead, they ask, "Did dems ignore Foley e-mails to preserve seat?" Now it's just an innocent question. Sure, there's no real reason to think they did, but now we have the conjecture out there, and for some poor miseducated folks, that's as good as a guilty verdict.
As if that wasn't low enough, the folks at Fox News are also trying to distance the Republicans from Foley by relabeling him a Democrat. That's right. No Republican would ever display any p
edophilic tendancies, but those godless Democrats, well, that's a different story. There have been reports that Bill O'Reilly has repeatedly referred to Foley as a Democrat, and the network has literally labeled him as such.And I thought my opinion of Fox News couldn't get any lower.
Fox News is to journalism what the WWE is to sports. Maybe we should start calling it news entertainment.
And now for the delicious icing on the cake: Mark Foley has blamed his penchant for boys on his alcoholism and prior sexual abuse. He recently checked himself into a treatment facility in Clearwater FL to deal with his alcoholism.
Can anyone guess what kind of treatment facilities they have in the quiet town of Clearwater? I'll give you a hint: Mark Foley is also the proud owner of a leatherbound edition of Dianetics.
- Noteworthy German Leper
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