Jesus-Colored Glasses

I've been much happier since I removed the Jesus-colored glasses. After years and years of soul-searching, trying various perspectives and philosophies, I've come to the conclusion that this God character is not only unnecessary, but unhealthy, too. I've come to realize a number of things.

• First, if there is a God out there, he probably would want us to get by on our own instead of constantly sucking up and asking favors. He'd probably want us to live our lives as if he didn't exist.
• Second, I have no reason to assume the existance of God. I can't justify that kind of faith, especially with no clear idea of what God is. Everything I believe has a reason to be believed.
• Third, there's a very fine line between being humble and feeling worthless, and a young child who already has self-esteem issues is never going to see that line for a couple decades.
• Fourth, I can't imagine living another day, basing all my moral decisions on guilt and fear.
• Fifth, I've come to realize that the utter pointlessness of all existance, the Big Thing that so many people can't seem to handle, is no reason to despair. In fact, it's something to celebrate and revel in. I simply love the fact that I'm so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I love that there is, in fact, no Grand Scheme. To quote Dr. Zynda, we're all just objects floating in space.
• Finally, I came to terms with my own mortality at a relatively young age. For a long time, my reason for not killing myself was fear of eternal damnation. That's a hell of a thing for a kid with a warped mind to have to deal with: You're not allowed to be proud, because pride is a sin. What's the line between pride and self-esteem? When that line is inevitably crossed, where does that leave me, aside from wallowing in misery? And hell's supposed to be infinitely worse? I was setting myself up for a life of pain. But it's all worth it if I get to heaven, right? Then it occurred to me - a simple hypothetical that blew my idea of righteousness on its head.

What if, when I died, I was asked if I was willing to sacrifice my immortal soul to the bowels of hell to save the soul of a repentant sinner. What could possibly be more selfless, more noble, more giving than that? Would I really be punished to eternal damnation - pain without end - if I made that ultimate sacrifice? It was then that I decided that I didn't care about being judged at the end of time. I still don't. I don't think God needs to be sucked up to, and I think it's kind of disingenuous to do so for such a selfish end. Besides, wouldn't God see through that? Instead, I let my actions speak for themselves.

It hasn't been easy. It still isn't. I'm a member of the most hated minority in the country, now. My reasons behind it are likely to be dismissed, argued, or ignored. I'll no doubt be accused of turning away from Jesus to justify my own immoral behavior or somesuch. Nothing can be further from the truth. I'd like to believe in God. I think the idea of God is great. I think religion is, like most other things, ok in moderation, bad in excess, and harmful if abused. Combine that with the Cartesian project of rebuilding my beliefs from scratch (which I started early in college) and a healthy dose of critical thinking, and here I am. I'm doing well for myself. I've been married for ten and a half years, and happily, I might add. I have a good job, good home, good friends, and good family. I've got my mojo working, a good set of hobbies, and there's a new house on the distant horizon. All in all, I think I've turned out all right.

So, say what you will, and pray for me if you choose, but the fact of the matter is I'm an atheist, I'm a better, happier person because of it, and it's not open to discussion.

- Nobody Got Lost